Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
His hands were made for my vagina.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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