i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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