let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
