there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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