Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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