He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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