maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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