after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
