I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
