He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
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