i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
