Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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