Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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