Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
