i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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