You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This is classic penis vs brain.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
