I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
