So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize