So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
