can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There's even glitter on my cock...
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