Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
