there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
