man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
