I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
