how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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