im drinking this country out of the recession.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
