My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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