No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
