I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
