i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize