haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize