I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
