That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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