yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
