I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
