my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Houston, we have a squirter
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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