So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
