Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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