i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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