Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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