Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
