Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
