have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
