my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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