you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize