you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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