I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
