AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
