well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
