very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
