He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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