I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
