Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
