i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize