Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
