Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
