The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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