Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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