none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We don't watch enough power rangers
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
