I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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