There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
