Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
4 words: hood of his car
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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