His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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