margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
