Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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