You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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