if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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