Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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