her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
