Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
