Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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