1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
