Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
