It's like God shit irony all over that family
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
