Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize