I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
