So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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