whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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