Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Did you just see the Batmobile???
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
